The Newly Wed Daughters
Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the
expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the
three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night,
their mother couldn't sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her
way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter's bedroom and heard her screaming. The
mother thought to herself, "That's normal, especially on her wedding
night." She snuck by her second oldest daughter's room and heard her
laughing. "That's normal too," she said, smiling to herself. Finally,
she slipped by her youngest daughter's room where she didn't hear a peep, but
she thought nothing of it. The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands
had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night's noises.
"Well Mom," she replied, "you always said if it hurt, I should
scream." "You're absolutely right sweetheart," the mother assured
her, turning to her middle daughter. "Now why were you laughing?" she
asked. "You always said if it tickled, I could laugh," she answered.
"True enough, honey." The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed
days. "Now it's your turn, baby," she said turning to her youngest
daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?" "Mom,
don't you remember? You always told me to never talk with my mouth full."
Curious Little Johnny
Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He
had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he
wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his
mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she
told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and
her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything
to his mother. 'Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned
off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis
must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have
thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart,
just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he
seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too,
because pretty soon both of them started panting and gettin all out of breath.
His other hand must of been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this
time Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down
toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a
fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was
making them so sick -- a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just
jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he
grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got
really scared -- her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started
calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's
ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake. Anyway, Sis got
brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she
grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his
pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay
back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by
lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning
and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to
kill the eel by squashing it between them. After a while they both quit moving
and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the
eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were
hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend little tired from the battle, but they went
back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the
eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels
are like cats -- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and
tried to kill it by sitting on it. After a 35 minute struggle, they finally
killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin
off and flush it down the toilet.
Sex & Laundry
A couple who had 2 kids decided that whenever they wanted sex, they would use
code words so the children wouldn't know what they were talking about. they
would ask "could I take in your laundry tonight ?" so the kids
couldn't understand. Husband comes home from work one night and asked
"Honey, can I take in your laundry tonight? No not tonight was her reply.
No big deal as he has come home many nights without getting any. They following
night he comes home from work and asks "Honey, can I take in your laundry
tonight? again her reply was No, not tonight. This goes on several more nights,
and the exasperated man always get the same answer, No, not tonight. So the
following night the man comes home from work, never says a thing to his wife,
but goes straight to bed. In the morning his wife is somewhat worried (knowing
how horny he is) and asks "Honey, how come you didn't want to take in my
washing last night? Don't even think about it he replies, I only had a small
load so I did it by hand.
Curious Daughter With Her Father's Mother Goose Nest
One day a father and his young kid girl were taking a bath, then his kid girl
said "daddy what's that" looking at his dick. He said "that's my
mother goose nest. She said " Can I play with it" "No" said
the father. Later he goes to sleep. She plays with it. He wakes up and
says" What happened?" She says " I played with it and it spits at
me so I cut the head off, crack the eggs, and burn the nest!!!"
The Father's Car
A teenage girl in Alabama approaches her father in hopes that she can use the
car. She ask her father for permission to use the car. Her father replies you
can but you know what you have to do. So the girl unzips his pants and pulls out
his penis and says that it is covered in shit. Her father then remembers that
her brother has the car tonight.
Dog Licking It's Balls
These two queers were walking along on the sidewalk, they see this dog lying on
the ground licking its balls, one queer says, "Gee that looks fun."
The other says, "Go ahead, he looks friendly to me."
Native Americans & Polish Men
A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an
absolutely gorgeous woman...... They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is
reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replied,
"This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies
that Native Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the
biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours? "He
coolly replied, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
Gynecologist Appointment
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on
the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said,
"I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want
to stay fresh." Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A
few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he
whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow
too?"
The Pickle Slicer
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of
years when he came home one day and confess to his wife that he had a terrible
compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife
suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill
indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on
his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife
could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong,
Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this
tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill,
you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what
happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened
with the pickle slicer?" "Oh, she got fired too."
Turner Brown
A small white guy went into an elevator, when he got in he noticed a huge black
dude standing next to him. The big black guy looked down upon the small white
guy and said, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3
pound right ball, Turner Brown." The small guy fainted!! The huge black
dude picked up the little white guy and brought him to, slapping his face and
shaking him. He asked the small white guy, "What's wrong?" Our petite
friend said, "Excuse me, but what did you say? "The black giant looked
down and repeated, "7 foot tall,350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left
ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown". The white guy sighed,
"Oh, thank God! I thought you said "Turn around!!'"
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