Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
Q: What's red, sits in the front of mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.
Q: What's red and white and screams?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
Q: What's the proper gift for a dead baby?
A: A dead puppy.
Q: What is red and crawls up your leg?
A: A homesick abortion!
Q: What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.
Q: What is red and hangs around in trees?
A: A baby that was hit by a snow thrower.
Q: What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn?
A: A baby run over by a lawn mower.
Q: What's red, white and green and is spread all over the lawn?
A: Same baby, two months later.
Q: Why don't dead babies drive BMWs?
A: Because BMW jokes are almost as old as dead baby jokes!
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb with.
Q: What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
A: Ripping it back off.
Q: What's pink and spits?
A: A baby in a frying pan.
Q: What is bright blue, pink, and sizzles.
A: A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
Q: What is pink and red and gurgles?
A: A baby munching on razor blades.
Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
A: Twins in an acid bath.
Q: How do you stop a baby from looking up at you with that cute little baby face and gurgling happily with that little baby mouth and waving at you with those little baby fingers and little baby toes?
A: Gouge its eyes out.
Q: Why is it so groovy to be a test tube baby?
A: Because you get a womb with a view.
Q: What is a sure way to stop a baby from crying?
A: With an axe.
Q: What's better than tying babies to your bumper and crashing?
A: Tying them to your tires and skidding.
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