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Nurse: "Why is that old man sticking out his tongue and holding up his middle finger?"
Doc: "He's showing me his sexual organs."
What's red and white and bobs up and down?
A baby in a Jacuzzi.
What do you make from frozen holy water?
Popesicles.
Secretary: "May I use your Dictaphone?"
Boss: "Use your finger like everyone else."
Hear about the retarded Arab terrorists?
They attacked the Special Olympics.
How many Marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fifty. One to screw it in and the other forty nine to guard him.
Hear about the new Pan Am check-in procedure?
You choose between Smoking and Burnt-Beyond-All-Recognition.
What do you get when you cross the Texas Chainsaw Massacre with a group of Eskimos?
Cold cuts.
Define "proctologist."
A crack investigator.
What's red and white and hangs from a tree?
A baby run over by a snowblower.
What did the little African-American kid do when he overheard Santa say "Ho.ho. ho" to his mother?
He shot him.
What is Billy Martin doing now?
Managing the Angels.
How do you tell a Polish ladder from a normal one?
The Polish one has the word STOP stenciled on the top rung.
What do you get when you cross a Mongoloid and a one-legged Eskimo?
A Polaroid One-Step.
What does an African-American parrot say?
"Polly want a white woman."
Gynecologist: "Removing the vibrator is going to be a tricky and expensive operation."
Woman: "Why don't you just replace the batteries?"
What do you call a drunk with no arms or legs wrapped around a telephone pole?
Curly.
What do you call a hooker's kids? Brothel sprouts.
What has no arms and legs and hags over your mantel?
Buck.
Hear about the dead Klansman who was so big, they couldn't find a coffin large enough to hold him?
They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box.
Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?
So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
Did you hear about the Polish guy who ate pussy?
He spit out the kittens after he was done.
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