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Why did the Dairy Queen get pregnant?
The Burger King forgot to wrap his Whopper.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They covered the toilet bowl with Saran Wrap.
What do you give a hooker on her birthday?
A layer cake.
A drunk wanders into a women's bathroom and unzips his fly. "This is for ladies! a woman shrieked. "Yeah? So's this!" he slurred.
Mommy, Mommy, I hate olives!"
"Shut up or I'll scrape your other eye out!"
What's the difference between a Jewish mother and an elephant?
Elephants eventually forget.
What's brown and squishy and wears pearls?
The Gay Rights Movement.
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jews found the same penny.
What's a cannibal's faux pas?
Talking with a foot in your mouth.
What do you call twenty-five polish women in a swimming pool?
Bay of Pigs.
How can you tell the only WASP in a sauna?
He's the one with the Wall Street Journal on his lap.
What's the African-American version of a fortune cookie?
A piece of cornbread with a food stamp in the middle.
How come they canceled the Mexico City Drivers' Ed program?
The donkey died.
What did one coconut tree say to the other?
"Hold on to your nuts, there's a big blow job coming."
Why was Moses' mother so happy?
She not only had fun in bed, she made a prophet.
Why did the undertaker serve Coke at his grandmother's funeral?
Because Coke adds life.
Hear about the Italian girl who thought a sanitary belt was a drink from a clean shot glass?
Define "corporate virgin."
One who's new to the firm.
Why did God create armadillos?
So Mexicans would have something to eat on the half shell.
Why was the leper quarterback taken out of the game?
The last play was a handoff.
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