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Q: What's pink and hard?
A: A pig with a flick knife.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: Why do seagulls have wings?
A: To beat the gypsies to the tip.
Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So fat women can get laid too.
Q. How do you get three little old ladies to say the "F" word?
A. Have a fourth one yell "Bingo!"
Q: What do you get if you cross a pit bull with a hooker?
A: Your last blow job.
Q: Why did god create women?
A: Because dogs can't get beer out the fridge.
Q: What's 100 yards long and smells of piss?
A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.
Q: What's the difference between a woman from Wigan and a walrus?
A: One's got a moustache and smells of fish and the other lives in the sea.
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with darkness"
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog.
Q: What have women and condoms got in common?
A: If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.
Q: What's the difference between PMT and BSE?
A: One's mad cow's disease and the other's an agricultural problem.
Q: Why was the washing machine laughing?
A: Because it was taking the piss out of the undies.
Q: What will Postman Pat be called when he retires?
A: Pat
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What's got four legs, and goes "Woof"?
A: Piper Alpha.
Q: How do you make a dog drink?
A: Put it in a liquidizer.
Q: What's got 500 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row at a Boyzone concert.
Q: What's got four legs and an arm?
A: A Rottweiler.
Q: What's got two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog..
Q: What do you do if your boiler explodes?
A: Buy her some flowers.
Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
Q. What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
A: Patient..!!
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