What is the difference between men and E.T.?
E.T. called home.
What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six-pack of beer.
Do you know why there's a hole in a man's penis?
So he can get air to his brain.
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
How is a man like linoleum?
If you lay him right the first time, you can walk all over him for the next 20 years.
Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.
Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a woman?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time, who would reach the ground first?
The woman ... the man would get lost.
How are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 60 seconds.
How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind. 2. No business.
What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
If men got pregnant ....
Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."
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