11
A pretty girl is driving through the west. Her car runs out or gas, and an Indian comes along on a horse, gives her a ride to a gas station.
Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk.
Finally, he drops her off with a final "Yaaaaaa-Hoooooo!" and gallops off. "My god!" says the gas station guy. "What were you doing to that Indian to make him holler like that?"
"Why, nothing," says the girl, "I just sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn."
"Lady..." says the guy, "Indians don't use saddles."
12
1) A lot of ethic groups are known for being tight with money. Other groups are known to drink too much. Some groups are even known for being people of few words. Only the Scots however have combined all these traits and thrown in a kilt and bagpipes for good measure.
2) The Scot told his wife, "Be sure now to take off your new eye glasses if you're not looking at anything."
3) As I said, Scots are known to be frugal. But one guy was carrying things a bit too far. It seems he slept with his mother-in-law to save wear and tear on the bride.
4) A Scot meets a friend at a train station and explains he's off to Glasgow on his honeymoon. His friend asks, "And just where is your wife." "She's seen Glasgow." the groom replied.
5) Mr MacTavish was very sick. His wife sat at his bedside after the doctor had said no more could be done. The man said, "I don't think I'm going to make it through the nite." The wife replied, "I've got to finish my chores, but if you feel yourself slipping away before I return, please be sure to blow out the candle."
13
Zeke and Zeb decided to build a Bungee Jumping tower in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico to see if it would make them some money. After they got it set up, they noticed that the crowds gathered around but nobody was buying tickets.
Zeke said to Zeb, "Maybe you should demonstrate it to them so they get the idea." After Zeb was strapped on he jumped and fell almost to the ground before springing back.
As he came back up Zeke noticed that his cloths were torn and wondered what that was all about.
Zeb went down again and this time when he came back up Zeke noticed that he was bleeding. Zeke thought, "Wow, what's going on here." Zeb went down a third time and this time when he came back up Zeke noticed that he had blood, contusions and cuts all over his body.
Zeke pulled Zeb in and said, "Zeb, what happened?"
Zeb groaned, "I don't know...but what's a pinata??
14
These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"
The Saudi says, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "What's meat?"
The North Korean says, "What's an opinion?"
The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"
15
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.
She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"
The Kuwaiti women replied, "Land mines."
16
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A: You know she'll swallow.
17
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
18
On a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stuffy.
You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lips make your above the rest of us. Look at me...I'm me, I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?"
The Englishman replied, "Very sporting of your mother."
19
An American woman, a British woman and an Italian woman were having lunch. The American woman said, "I told my husband that I wasn't going to clean the house anymore. If he wanted it clean he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day, I didn't see anything. Then on the third day, voila! My husband had cleaned the entire house!"
The British woman agreed, "I told my husband that I wasn't going to do the laundry anymore. If he wanted it done he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day, I didn't see anything. Then on the third day, voila! My husband had done both his and my laundry!"
The Italian woman chimed in, "I told my husband that I wasn't going to cook anymore. If he wanted home cooking he would have to either go by his mother or cook for himself. After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day, I didn't see anything. Then on the third day, I began to see a little out of my left eye."
20
A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.
As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."
She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.
Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.
Some time later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was tied. After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said... "I donna know where y'been lad...but it's nice ta'know y'won first prize!"
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