Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur within 5 miles of home?
A: She moved 10 miles away.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Two blondes are in a dark theatre:
BLONDE #1: "Hey, the guy next to me is jerking off!"
BLONDE #2: "Just ignore him."
BLONDE #1: "I can't. He's using my hand."
This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"
A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
A blonde walked into a hardware store, picked up the hinges she was looking for, and went to go pay for them. The clerk asked her, "Need a screw for those hinges?"
"No, but how about a blow job for the shovel in the back?"
BLONDE #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
BLONDE #2: "No, who wrote it?"
Q: Why did the blonde with a big pussy douche with crest?
A: She heard that it reduces cavities.
Q: Why did the blonde give a blow job after sex?
A: She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.
Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
A: She thought it was diet coke.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons ?
A: You can also sit upright in a car.
Q: What's the definition of a metallurgist?
A: A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore.
Q: What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
A: Vaseline and Poli-Grip.
Q: What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a prostitute?
A: Prostitutes don't drive Ferrari's
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
A: One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
Q: What's the ultimate embarrassment for a blonde?
A: When her Ben-Wa balls set off the airport metal detector.
Q: What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A: A hundred dollar bill.
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
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