There's no pot of gold
This guy is sitting at a bar having a few wobbly-pops and suddenly gets this feeling that he has to go make an urgent call to the potty. So he goes into the bathroom and sees this really short guy taking a piss. He takes the stall next to this short guy, and while taking a piss the guy happens to look over at the little guy and by accident sees his dick. He just can't help saying to the guy "man that is a big dick! I wish that I had a dick that big!" "Well" says the little guy," I'm leprechaun and I can grant you one wish, and all you have to do is suck on me wang!" In horror of the thought the man exclaims, "I don't think so you little faggot, even for a dick that size!" "Fine then" says the leprechaun. But after a minute of thinking the man says "Alright I'll do it." So the man starts to suck the leprechaun's dick and when he is finished he says "I can't believe that I am going to have a dick that big!" And the little guy says, "I can't believe you thought I was a leprechaun!"
Embarrassing Situation
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Ummm, would you mind if I chatted with you for awhile?"
She responds by yelling at the top of her lungs, "NO, I WON'T SLEEP WITH YOU TONIGHT!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed, and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds at the top of his lungs, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, $200 DOLLARS?!"
PAT
A guy is sitting at the bar watching the game and enjoying his beer. Another guy strolls over and they begin to converse. After a while the second asks if he had ever played "beer football?" He said no, and asked how to play. "Well, if you chug a beer, you get 6 points, and if you bend over and fart, you get an extra point." So, the second guy starts off by chugging his beer and farting. The first man chugged his beer with ease, and when he bent over to fart, the second guy came up behind and exclaimed, "BLOCK THE KICK!"
Intellectual humor eludes me
There are two pieces of tarmac sitting by the side of the bar, and they are having a drinking contest, to see which one is the hardest. After 12 shots of vodka, both pieces of tarmac are still unfazed, when suddenly the door opens and a red piece of tarmac walks in. Upon which seeing the red piece of tarmac, one piece of tarmac runs into the john. an hour later, he ventures out and discovers that the red piece of tarmac has left, so he ventures out and upon seeing the other piece of tarmac, he is asked why he ran off. To this he replies "Haven't you heard about him?, He's a CYCLE-PATH !!!!!!" from Tim Carne
Size matters
3 Midgets are in a bar arguing. "I have the smallest hands in the world!" says the first. "I have the smallest feet in the world!" says the second. "I have the smallest penis in the world!" bragged the third. The bartender eventually gets annoyed and says, "Enough is enough! Tomorrow you all go down to the Guinness Book of World Records and find out where each of you stands!" They all do. The first midget returns to the bar with a trophy "smallest hands in the World" and a check for $5,000. The second returns to the bar with a trophy "smallest feet in the World" and a check for $5,000. The third returns in a terrible mood, stomps into the bad and hollers, "Who in the hell is Al Gore????"
I know she's lyin'
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and says, "A beer for me, and one for the giraffe, please." So they proceed to drink. Then: "...a shot for me and one for the giraffe, too" And they keep drinking all evening. Finally the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The guy pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender shouts out, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lying on the floor, are you?" "That's not a lion... it's a giraffe."
An inn
Jesus Christ walks into a bar, slams three nails down onto the counter and says to the bartender, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Genies are really evil
Okay a guy walked into a bar with a cork shoved up his butt. Bartender asks him how that happened and he says, "Well I was walking along the beach and I found a magic lamp. I picked it up to brush it off and when I started to rub it a genie popped out. He told me I had 3 wishes and I said 'No shit!!!!'"
So sordid
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre so the barman gave her one!
Self-explanatory
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
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