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Disco is now the most popular form of music in Afghanistan.
So, apparently, we may have stopped the bombing too early.
- Jay Leno
I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio
stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.
- Jasper Carrott
She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her
armpit.
- Joan Rivers, on Madonna
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
- Elvis Presley
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
- Johnny Carson
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962
I love his work but I couldn't warm to him even if I was cremated next to him.
- Keith Richards, on Chuck Berry
A deadly, winking, sniggering, snuggling, chromium-plated, scent-impregnated,
luminous, quivering, giggling, mincing heap of mother love.
- William Connor, on Liberace
With his womanly voice, stark white skin and Medusa hair, his gash of red
lipstick, heavy eyeliner, almost non-existent nose and lopsided face, Michael
Jackson was making this appearance in order to scotch all rumors that he is not
quite normal.
- Craig Brown
Michael Bolton said yesterday he now wants to become an opera singer. Which is
great, because now my Dad and I can hate the same kind of music.
- Conan O'Brien
Michael Bolton sounds like he's having his teeth drilled by Helen Keller.
- Jeff Wilder
He sings like he's throwing up.
- Andrew O'Connor, on Bryan Ferry
Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.
- Joan Rivers
I could eat alphabet soup and shit better lyrics.
- Johnny Mercer
I think Robbie Williams is a fucking asshole. I think he is a very misguided,
easily led, stupid, foolish young individual who'd benefit from a slapping. I'd
probably kick him down the stairs a couple of times, but I'm not a violent
person and I don't like confrontation. Robbie's very symptomatic of a lot of
people in this country. He's a fake, probably the biggest fake that's ever been
- and yet he thinks he's Elvis. His music's shit too, and he looks like a
fucking knob-head. I had the displeasure of seeing his film, Nobody Someday,
when it was on TV recently and I felt like vomiting after about five minutes.
Apart from that, he's a nice guy.
- Oasis lead singer, Noel Gallagher, on Robbie Williams
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage, he shot
both his parents and moved in.
- Bob Hope, on Jack Benny
Michael Jackson was a poor black boy who grew up to be a rich white woman.
- Molly Ivins
He sang like a hinge.
- Ethel Merman, on Cole Porter
Michael Jackson's album was only called "Bad" because there wasn't enough room
on the sleeve for "Pathetic."
- The Artist Formerly Known as Prince
He moves like a parody between a majorette girl and Fred Astaire.
- Truman Capote, on Mick Jagger
Jack Benny lived on a diet of fingernails and coffee.
- May Livingstone
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
- Reported to be by Orson Welles on Donny Osmond
He sounds like he's got a brick dangling from his willy, and a food-mixer making
pur?e of his tonsils.
- Paul Lesteron, on Jon Bon Jovi
Bob Geldof is a loss to the road-sweeping profession, as well as actually
looking like something swept up.
- Jilly Parkin
All legs and hair with a mouth that could swallow the whole stadium and the
hot-dog stand.
- Laura Lee Davies, on Tina Turner
Her voice sounded like an eagle being goosed.
- Ralph Novak, on Yoko Ono
I'm writing Kylie Minogue's biography. It's called Superstar - Jesus Christ!
- Barry Cryer
"I want to do it till my belly rumbles" mumbles the lead nerd of East 17. I
guess that passes for romance in Walthamstow.
- Dave Jennings
The want to play the blues so badly and that's how they play it - badly!
- Sonny Boy Williamson |
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