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At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six
words I wanted to hear all my life. "My dad owns a liquor store."
- Mark Klein
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- W.C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W.C. Fields
Once, during prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and
water.
- W. C. Fields
I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.
- Noel Coward
Drunkenness is his best virtue, for he will be swine drunk, and in his sleep he
does little harm, save to his bedclothes about him.
- William Shakespeare, All's Well That Ends Well
He never broke any mans head but his own, and that was against a post when he
was drunk.
- William Shakespeare, Henry V
What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?
- WC Fields
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
- Rodney Dangerfield.
Real ale fans are just like train-spotters, only drunk.
- Christopher Howse
I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
- Robert Benchley
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before
breakfast.
- WC Fields
I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver.
- Phil Harris
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York
City?
- Henry Youngman
I am a drinker with writing problems.
- Brendan Behan
I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.
- Dean Martin
I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.
- Noel Coward
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman
I drink to make other people interesting.
- George Jean Nathan
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
- Joe E Lewis
You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.
- Mark Twain
One day recently a man called out to me from the other side of the street asking
me for the price of a drink. I beckoned him to come over for it and he waved me
away. This has to be the Everest of laziness.
- Jeffery Bernard
The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.
- Dean Martin
I went to hospital for a liver transplant and boy was I unlucky - They gave me
Oliver Reed's.
- Lenny Windsor |
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